This doesn’t happen very often, but believe it or not, some people do indeed go through life in fear of ever having a relationship with anyone. There must have been an incident or issue in the past that happened to them that made them feel less secure and intolerable of any kind of new relationship.
Going through life like this actually allows any person to miss great opportunities that they could have experienced. Living with regret can be the cause of having to deal with anyone new that may ever have he chance of entering in their lives.
I have had friends who would rather date people than to be tied down to anyone in particular. And this kind of behavior has lasted over a decade. The freedom that one has when they are single is a unique experience to decipher. I personally have always been with a woman committed to a relationship that has had it’s ups and downs like anyone else.
But does someone really want to spend the rest of their life chasing members of the opposite sex instead of committing to a relationship for a longer period of time. The fear that is created in maintaining a relationship can be very challenging for some people. The emotional roller coaster rides that are involved when when meeting people and staying with them can be overwhelming for the most part.
Not knowing how to deal with the people or others can make anyone stay single and just enjoy parts of that person instead of dealing with the whole aspect of them. This is where people most often play it safe. They don’t want kids or any kind of emotional attachment to anyone because it makes them feel safer and less risky.
But, I tell you now that life is a risk in itself, and risk always comes with great rewards if you are capable to achieve them. This goes true for relationships as well. There is a point in life where you have to ask yourself if you want to really experience and evolve yourself with someone or just let the rest of your life play out by itself without your control of it. The decision is always yours, of course.
When it comes to relationships, I like to be a risk taker and dive right in. In my marriage I have the pleasure of experience and raising my twins from my second wife. My first one of five years did not work out so well. I have been with my second wife now for almost ten years. And although it is easy to have a relationship, the challenging part is to maintain it each and every day. There are always compromises to be paid and sacrifices as well. What are these sacrifices?
Sometimes you have to go experience the feeling of non-affection, withdrawal in attention and anything else that you may not be comfortable in. Although the trust factor may still be there and you do indeed love each other, sometimes you will have to go without them unless you communicate to your partner your needs and desires. Even though, that may not still be good enough. So, are you going to be willing to maintain and continue it? There is always the option of living alone for the rest of your life. Unless you make the choice to leave.
In either case, I bring up these perspectives because they happen in a relationship and sometimes inexperienced people may or may not know or understand how to handle these certain aspects of a union. The negative feelings involved may be too uncomfortable for them to tolerate or experience.
Love in any relationship requires the daily discipline of attention and affection for each other. If these needs are not met, then you could witness firsthand, the similar effects of a plant when it is not watered as needed. The importance to communicate this is important. Sometimes it works to do this and on other times it does not.
That is the gamble that you play in the game of life when it comes to relationships. You either stay in for the long haul and work it out or get out of it. I believe that any relationship can grow and evolve as it should with a little work.
You can say that a loving relationship is like a pearl inside that of a clam. Life’s waves may indeed challenge it when times are tough. The important thing to remember that when a relationship lasts, in spite of life throwing curve balls at it, you produce a pearl in the end. And that is what makes life so special to experience with someone else. You can grow with them and they can challenge you to hell and back. But there will always be another day and a newer challenge to produce an even finer pearl than ever before.
So, don’t ever have fear when it comes to jumping into any kind of relationship. The more experienced you are in the game of life, the quicker you will be able to evolve as a human being and adjust accordingly. I have ceretainly had my share of the good and the bad in my marriage, but a lot has came out of it to produce myself and my family many wonderful things that I can’t wait to see first hand. Like for example, the the maturity of my twins and the ever loving expression that me and my wife are so capable of achieving together.
You never know what you are going to get out of life in the first place. Taking the jump of knowing love first hand will help you change your mindset of whatever may have happened to you in the past of having fear of any kind of loving relationship, that you are so capable of having.
Fear is what is holding humanity back in experiencing the very best out of life. When it comes to loving another person, don’t let the past, that has come and gone, direct any future decisions that you may or may not have concerning the most wonderful feelings of romance, love, challenges and awesome memories.
“A Rebound Relationship”
The idea that what you have now is not as good as what you had before is the idea of a rebound relationship. Although, these are just thoughts and perceptions in the mind on how you feel about your current relationship.
The idea comes in a way-that you feel that the current relationship does not live up to the expectations as you would have thought. This is not always the case because, although the union is entirely new and not well adjusted yet, the perception of it being any less than your previous one is just an illusion. Many people go through life with this idea and not sure if it is valid or not.
If you feel that you are in a so called “rebound relationship”, you may need to give the situation a little more time before you start to judge the so called circumstance that you are in.
I knew a guy one time and he thought that that his current relationship with a woman was a rebound relationship for many years, but he eventually married her and had great kids. To him, it still seemed like the best decision he ever made considering his previous circumstances that he faced with his ex-wife in a prior marriage.
Many times we wonder if what we are doing is right, because we hold so much regret in what we have done in our past actions in a previous relationship, that we hold our current one hostage and hence, call it a rebound thing.
I say, give the whole idea of it a chance and let it grow accordingly . Your position on the matter may or may not eventually change for the better as you allow time to allow the relationship to grow further than you could have ever imagined it to be.
This may very well be the perfect time to organize your thoughts and think more clear about the situation at hand and really give it a chance and see how it turns out before out turning it away and labeling it something less than what you think it is. It may turn out to be a true blessing in disguise. Only you can find that out though the actual experience. Don’t let it slip away from you.
Did you ever think that when you finished high school and stepped foot into college that your life would change when finding that perfect romantic relationship? Many people, especially women have the idea that their dream man will come through naturally for them. While most of them think they are right, you can expect that for some this does not happen.
Why do some people just draw to them the perfect romantic relationship while others are just struggling in this area? The ones that are truly romantic themselves will most often than not, give off the vibe of actually attracting someone just as romantic. Let’s face it, if you are not feeling or wanting anything romantic in your life, do you really expect to receive it?
The first notion to actually attract a romantic person into your life is to give off the vibe each and every day to get back what you are giving out. This is the law of attraction working for you each and every day. You get back what you receive in life. Romance is no different.
When you change your mindset from wondering when the perfect man or woman will come to your life and change it to “knowing” each day that it “will” happen. Then this will be a sure thing for you to eventually experience in life.
I remember when I was going to meet my wife, I had always pictured on how she would look. I had a specific type and personality in mind. When it really came to it, I gave myself two weeks before I eventually found her. Can you believe that?
Two weeks before I ever met her, I had a picture of her in my mind on how she would look and be like. Most of the time when you send something out into the universe for something that you want, it will eventually happen if you believe and wake up to the idea of it each and every day. This is what I did.
I actually moved an hour away form where I was living into a much better city. Before I knew it, I had my future wife move in with me and we shared the rent together. Almost ten years later we are still happily married and she still considers me the most romantic person she has ever met.
I still believe in cooking dinner while serving wine under candle light. I give her massages when she has worked hard in a day. Of course, opening car doors is still common in our marriage and she still appreciates all of that.
Don’t ever forget that what you give in the relationship is what you always get back This is always an important rule to follow. A lot of these marriages can be very one sided as years pass along.
It should also be noted that relationships last when you keep “giving” to your significant other, even though he or she is not doing the same in return. What you really don’t want is to have two people in the relationship not giving affection or romance to each other. So keep it going for your sake.
They will love you for it. Letting the other person know that you still care for them is also romantic and is acknowledged by doing rather than expecting to always receive it. Always expecting to receive something in a relationship is not the way to go. Give first and then get back easily. This has always been a universal rule to follow for everything that has ever happened in life.
Here are some romantic tips for couples:
Make dinner with wine under candle light.
Surprise your partner with an unexpected gift.
Take your partner to a new place, scene or location to impress a memory on them to remember.
Every once in a while, take her out to that nice fancy restaurant that you two love so much.
Give your partner a massage in the evening and jump in the tub afterwards.
Always tell your lover that you love them by whispering within their ear and then gently tug their ear with your teeth. They always love this.
Have the kids stay at the grandparents house for the night and romance your partner while nobody is home. Do you remember “doing it” until the sun came up? I sure do 🙂 (Make sure you have plenty of energy for this one).
I hope that romance never dies in your relationship. It is always important to keep it alive and strong each and every day. If you skip a day, that is ok. Just make sure you have a plan sometime through out the week to surprise him or her.
Always change it around and do something new each time to keep the passion and the fire going. I hope that these tips were helpful for you both, when considering that romance is still very much an important aspect in keeping a relationship thriving-for something more every time.
High School Relationships
High school relationships are always fun and can be one of the most memorable experiences to have as you get older in life.
It is the foundation of new experiences and ideas that you put into practice at such an early age and allowed you to test the waters in a relationship.
Of course we all have made mistakes and learned from them in high school, but that was the fun part wasn’t it? We were able to explore the boundaries of what we could or could not do at such a young age when it came to dating others. Sometimes there were people who encouraged and discouraged us on whom to date and why.
Sometimes people do indeed marry their high school sweethearts and have a long and prosperous life together. While in other situations this does not always work out. Young adulthood is always vulnerable to the changes of life and new experiences as they are brought forth to them.
That’s why I say when you are in your late teens and early twenties, you will be directly faced with a lot of situations and decisions coming your way. This may in fact influence your decisions to keep your high school relationship or move on to other experiences that life may have to offer.
There is nothing wrong in dating, but what young adults have to understand is that you don’t have to put all your eggs in one basket so early on in the relationship, unless you both mutually agree on this. There re no right or wrong decisions here. Just pointers of what path you may or may not take. The choice i always your and yours alone.
Although out of my experience, when it comes to relationships, the early ones that are developed in their late teens and early twenties have not lasted as long as they could have. But that is how life is. They may be great experiences and they may not be. It depends on the perspective in which you are seeing it from.
You have to understand that their are infinite amount of perspectives in life on how you can view any particular situation. You can see how a past relationship could have helped you become the person that you are, but it doesn’t have to define you permanently to who you are. People are and will always evolve in life when they can experience as much as they can.
I had a couple of high school relationships that were memorable and fun, but I no longer communicate with those people any more because I have moved on and so did they. It was fun while it lasted, but like all things in life, they are all fleeting. Things, people a situations are going to appear in your life and be gone the next moment. It is the inevitable concept of life no matter how long you are with someone.
I am not trying to be negative, it is fact that this always happens. So, whether or not you are dating your high school sweetheart or not, make sure you have the best of times and realize that just like everything else in life, it will be short or long lived.
I am always optimistic to see high school couples continue in their union if it works out for them. I have a cousin in law that that is still married to her high school sweetheart after several decades later. I find this quite impressive. Although in the back of my mind I have always wondered on how she did not really have a lot of experiences in dating different people. There are always going to be different people and flavors in life that want to do what they want to do, regardless of their situation. All I can say is go for it and see what works for you.
If a high school relationship does not work out, make sure you do not to hold any kind resentment that you may carry for decades in the future. Some women or men clearly remember having a broken heart in high school and they carry this dilemma with them for years to come. Don’t be that person.
Understand that their are many loving people that you can date and choose from. I’m not saying to not have caution in life. It’s always good to exercise good judgement when in a young relationship. Just don’t let it ruin your efforts on love for the future. This is what happens to too many people in young relationships. Resentment could effect new and exciting experiences that you could potentially have. Don’t let that happen.
Remember that when you are in high school to have fun, live for the moment and make the best out of it. Some parents approve of high school relationships while others will not. It is better to introduce your boyfriend or girlfriend to your family so that you can let them know how serious you are in the relationship. It is a sign of respect. Plus, your parents need to know who you are dating. Just think of this. Fast forward to your future for a moment. If you had kids, wouldn’t you want to know who your kids are seeing? You also want to know when they are coming and going and if they are safe or not, right?
As parents, it’s good to be protective of your kids but at the same time parents have to understand that kids want to grow up and try new things with others their age. High school pregnancies can be avoided if the communication is open between parents and their high school kids. I always tell young adults that if you want to have kids, wait until you are thirty. Some listen, most do not. By that time, you would have experienced enough things in your twenties to realize if you want to have kids or not.
I had my first child when I was 26 and sometimes people think life does not give you choices to choose from at any given moment. But in fact you do have choices. I decided to wait as long as I could because I had an aunt that always instilled in me the idea of not having kids. It was ingrained in my mind and it worked out very well. For a while anyways.
High school relationships are fun, exciting and you will have an incredible experience that will never match the adult ones. This is because they are new and have never been experienced before.
Relationship addiction is most prominent in the early onset of any couple’s experience. Why is it that so many people become addicted to each other without anything stopping them from doing so? An early relationship can be like a drug that people need to survive. The chemical reaction when two people are close together is very strong and can have lasting effects for weeks and months at a time. Eventually, this reaction dies out. But when it is present, it can become quite an exhilarating experience to ever have in life.
Many people view these certain times, in their newly formed union as the most memorable and the happiest times in their lives. Love like this doesn’t come around very often and when the chance to experience it arrives, you should definitely make it happen. No one knows for sure how it will last or how long it will last. It is just their and the addiction to each other can be transformational.
Even though the feeling of addiction is present, it is just another form of clingyness. Attachment has its place in relationships, but it most be understood that this form of clinginess and it must be diminished over a certain period of time. Too much clingyness when a union is forming can be detrimental if the full force of it is exceptionally strong. There is nothing wrong with having potent feelings for each other in the beginning, but just remember that over time, feelings do change and you have to change along with them. Not any kind of a distancing fashion, just the kind that allows you both to settle down and not be too aggressive as you once were.
Let’s face it, there will come a time where the process of addiction between the two of you will start to die down and you need to be ready for those strong feeling to start to diminish. This is normal and should not be taken lightly. Too much attachment can leave your partner to feel smothered and push them away further from you. You will need to calculate the correct response needed to balance out the clinginess that is present in your life.
There is no doubt that the addiction of love within a couple can be a feeling of almost obsession, like some type of euphoric drug that you want more and more of. So, what can you do to alleviate the conditions of addiction in your relationship without having too much of a negative impact?
Distancing: If you can learn to effectively ascertain a certain level of close distance and appreciate that the both of you can spend time apart in a healthy way, while gradually getting closer when the time is right, will really help.
Stay Busy: You have things to do and so does he. Make sure you get all of your things accomplished and stay active when you need to be. He will do the same as well. This will give you some time to make the heart grow fonder when you see each other again.
Be Spontaneous: Don’t plan things over and over again like having a routine schedule. This will get boring and will leave the element of surprise totally diminished. What’s the fun in that? Make things up in the spur of the moment. It makes life more fun and exciting when your not always scheduling things.
Stop thinking: Constant thinking can drive you crazy so you need to start changing your thoughts to other things that can keep your mind busy like reading or working out. It is quite successful and works very well. Because constant thinking of the one you love may gradually change your positive thinking to negative ones that aren’t even happening in the first place. So, keep your mind busy with resourceful books and keep learning as much as you can on a daily basis.
Your partner is not an object: Stop portraying your partner like he or she is your possessive object of desire. You don’t own anything and you need to make sure you don’t ever feel like you own them. The idea of this alone can make you feel like you are the sole owner of the one that you love when this is never the case. It is only so in your mind alone.
In any way you can, just be yourself and enjoy the time you have in the beginning because I can tell you right now that it will not last. Embrace the moments you have with them because it will never come back. Sorry to burst your bubble. Sometimes you can try to do things to keep your relationship alive as it was in the beginning as years pass by. But, nothing will ever compare to that feeling you both had when the passion was so intense. Remember the times you both stayed up until the sun came up in the morning? Yeah, those days were unique and memorable so live it up and make it last as long as you can extend it for. You will know when the time has passed. Just don’t push it too much.
Other forms of relationship addictions can be the obsessive kind that is quite negative in nature. Remember the possessive feeling that some people have that I mentioned earlier? This is one of the extreme feelings that often turns out not so good. This is because one person is more obsessed or addicted than the other person. When this happens, it is better to stay clear of such a relationship because the possession of the object of that person can really have a detrimental effect on their mental aspect. Not a pretty picture and I am sure you have seen movies about obsessive and addictive people that have no better things to do than follow the person they love to the ends of the earth.
What can you do if this happens to you? Kindly let them know that it was great being with them, but you have other things you have to do. Some people can successfully handle addictive people and most people cannot because they find that it can drain most of their energy and time. Only you know how to proceed if you are ever confronted in such a situation like this. Your gut will always let you know how to proceed.